For those of you who think this mommy is just a wee over zealous in her religious convictions... I've got a reality check for you. And yes, I do think the Catholic quips are funny.
* You think Jesus is too liberal.
* You enjoy talking to people in King James English.
* You have your application in for the Trinity.
* You are building your own pulpit for your living room.
* You think hair tonic is Biblical.
* You believe Moses could have shaved.
* You thought Naked Gun was a Clint Eastwood movie.
* You built your own ark model.
* You pointed out all the errors in Jurassic Park according to Genesis.
* You think Monopoly teaches greed.
* You support Hare Krishna's in the airport because it means your denomination can have a booth across the hall.
* You think Mormons are mistaken but they sure do dress nice.
* You think genuflect is a type of mirror.
* You wish you could preach like Louis Farrakhan.
* You can prove that unscrambling "Santa" is "Satan."
* You know that Jesus was born in April but probably would have liked a tree anyway.
* You exchange any currency that has three 6's in a row.
* You think credit cards are a tool of the devil to identify you to the Anti-Christ.
* You think that bar codes are demonic.
* You enjoy Wal Mart.
* You take National Geographic and draw bikinis on all the naked people.
* You think People Magazine is pornography.
* You found back masking on Amy Grant's albums that chant.
* You think that Gregorian Chants are a tool of the devil
* You think laughter is a tool of the devil.
* You think that tools are tools of the devil.
* you think that tools are devils.
* You think the J. C. Penny catalog is pretty snappy.
* You think Victoria's Secret is an Illuminati conspiracy.
* You know the writing on the statue of liberty's tablet was put there by a Mason.
* You have a chart of the hidden symbols of the dollar bill.
* You thought Jerry Falwell was liberal.
* You think Mother Theresa was stocking away all her money and getting away on wild weekends at Cannes.
* You say "Darn."
* You have all of your radio buttons tuned into religious stations.
* You enjoy Muzak.
* Your idea of a hot weekend is to attend an anti-Catholic seminar.
* If you've ever helped in a baptism and you thought they should stay under water longer.
* You won't wear a robe even in the bathroom.
* You won't wear colored underwear.
* You think the guy with the hair and John 3:16 sign at golf tournaments is liberal.
* You think Deviled ham is a conspiracy of the Illumnati.
* You think Bingo was a pretty good game until the Catholics took it over.
* You think Charlton Heston was great in the Ten Commandments. . .but you repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.
* You say Amen more than once an hour.
* You pray so long your food gets cold.
* You think doctors are a tool of the devil.
* You think teachers are a tool of the devil.
* You think science is a tool of the devil.
* You think Burt Reynolds was great in Smoky and the Bandit. . . but you repent of watching it because movies are a tool of the devil.
* You have a fish on the back of your car, your boat, your bicycle and your briefcase.
* You become an Amway dealer to evangelize in disguise.
* You like being an Amway dealer.
* You think A.A. is liberal.
* You have your name stamped on all your Bibles.
* You have more than 10 Bibles.
* You think that Catholics actually pray to little plaster statues.
* You think Notre Dame football team are all secretly Jesuit priests in an Illuminati conspiracy.
* You think Amy Grant is a tool of the devil.
* You think underneath the Pope's skull cap is the mark of the beast.
* You have evidence "They" are rebuilding the temple in Jerusalem.
* You name your children after the apostles.
* You name your child Ichabod, Shalmaneser, Jeremiah or Ezekiel.
* You have a Bible Cover that looks like a doily.
* You won't own a credit card because "they" might use to give you a "mark of the beast."
* You rail against Catholics for statues but wear a cross around your own neck.
* You always bring bean casserole to a church pot-luck.
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