What Drives Married People Crazy?

I am told by a person of some authority in these matters that the number one source of disagreement among married people is...

THE DISHWASHER

I'm not kidding. The bizarre reality is that a significant number of America's wedded sweethearts instantly morph into enemy combatants--all because partner A believes dishes should be scoured, scrubbed, and rinsed BEFORE being placed into the dishwasher. Never mind the pesky rumor that the appliance was designed to, uh... WASH dishes. Partner B crams dishes into the machine with enough caked-on, baked-on food to feed the family all over again. Later that night, partner B prays that partner A sleeps through the melee as a chicken bone pummels grandma's gravy boat and water jets rhythmically hurl the shattered remains throughout the dishwasher, creating a cacophony of glass, ceramic, and metal.

Not that we have any personal experience with this scenario, mind you.

While the dishwasher standoff continues, other, more intrepid forces seek to divide devoted soul mates. Let's start with our closet.


The trend in new home building is the "his and hers" walk-in closets. In our case, we have not been so fortunate. Thankfully, the space known as our closet, is huge and well-appointed. In this case, however, huge is not big enough. Here's why:

J's side

Note the organizational precision, utilizing Dewey decimal methodology

My side

The mystery of the sphinx is more decipherable than the method to this madness.

J's shoe area

Why would you need any more than this?


My shoe area

I could use some more shoes


J's bedside table

Alarm clock discretely hidden behind picture to the left.


My bedside table

Archaeologists may be called in to sift through layers of artifacts.

You could argue that this is a simply a case of neatness vs. messiness. And you may have a point, at least to some degree. But there's more to this story. J tends to value neatness in our private, living spaces while I'm far more cognizant of the areas that "company" sees. J will leave dish washing soap near the kitchen faucet, whereas I always place it under the sink. I can't stand fingerprints and smudges on entry doorways. J never notices them. J get the willies when he sees crumbs between the gaps in the kitchen table and I couldn't care less. I'm very consistent about my coaster usage; J barely knows what a coaster is. Yes, my shoes are housed in the bomb site that is my closet, but at least they're consolidated in one area. J tends to remove shoes, mid stride, and let them fall where they may, which could include conspicuous areas such as our front entry hall, the kitchen, or the stair landings.

What other household realities occasionally tug at the tranquility of our domicile?

J leaves piles of nuts, bolts, string, tin, and plastic ties on any available, flat surface.

I stack extra cookware/bakeware in the oven.

J will only use white towels and washcloths.

I keep five different varieties of shampoo in the shower at all times.

J can't stand the garage to be messy. I couldn't care less.

I can't stand for our cars to be messy. J couldn't care less.

J leaves lights on all the time. I constantly turn them off.

I never perform updates or routine maintenance on my computer. J keeps his in pristine, completely updated condition.

It goes on and on...and yet, we keep chuggin' along. Doing pretty well actually.

As to the hotbed that is the dishwasher, let's just say we retreated to our respective corners.

Sometimes a standoff is the best you can hope for...